I have prayed and prayed asking God to make my direction to Motherhood clear. Sometimes it is and other times not so much. But I still know that He is guiding and directing me.
I have been successful in redirecting my focus to my health and weight loss knowing the other things I desire will follow if I keep my eyes upward to Him. I have recently found it easier and easier to eat healthy and exercise knowing the possible end result. Believe me I have prayed about this too! I believe no prayer is too small for God. I have now lost 24 pounds and I am becoming more and more encouraged daily. I want to be the best mother I can possibly be and being healthy is an essential element. It is amazing what we can accomplish if we set our mind to it and we keep God as our focus.
Today in Worhsip Kidstyle we sang "Open the Eyes of My Heart Lord". It was such a blessing to look around and to see these small precious children singing and understanding what they were singing. Sometimes, I think children understand things much better than we do. They don't complicate life like we tend to. I was touched by this song today and although I have heard it a million times, I feel like I really "heard" it for the first time today. "Open the eyes of my heart Lord, open the eyes of my heart, I want to see You!" That is so powerful!
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
Mixed Emotions!!
Today has been a great day and an awful day all rolled up in one.
I started the day today by doing my weekly weigh-in. I stepped on the scale to discover I have lost 19.5 pounds. I was bubbling over with excitement. It is so encouraging when everything you are doing to lose weight starts paying off. All morning I had this overwhelming feeling, "I will actually be a Mother some day" I kept thinking to myself over and over.
I had decided to talk to my boss today about raises for next year. I wasn't surprised, given the current economic situation, that salaries will be frozen for next year. In addition, an extra job I have been doing at the church will dissipate. I am so scared about the future.
I feel trapped!! I desperately want to have a child more than anything in the world but feel that it is just out of reach. What if I can't afford it?? What if I can't get pregnant?? What if I never have the one thing I really want??
Satan is really working on me today. I must remember Psalm 37:4, Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
I started the day today by doing my weekly weigh-in. I stepped on the scale to discover I have lost 19.5 pounds. I was bubbling over with excitement. It is so encouraging when everything you are doing to lose weight starts paying off. All morning I had this overwhelming feeling, "I will actually be a Mother some day" I kept thinking to myself over and over.
I had decided to talk to my boss today about raises for next year. I wasn't surprised, given the current economic situation, that salaries will be frozen for next year. In addition, an extra job I have been doing at the church will dissipate. I am so scared about the future.
I feel trapped!! I desperately want to have a child more than anything in the world but feel that it is just out of reach. What if I can't afford it?? What if I can't get pregnant?? What if I never have the one thing I really want??
Satan is really working on me today. I must remember Psalm 37:4, Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
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